Talking to someone about their mental health

If someone approaches you about their mental health, or you are thinking about when to start a conversation about mental health, remember different things work for different people. It is important to:

• be open, direct and compassionate; 
• consider, do you both have time to talk? If you or the person you are speaking to about their mental health do not have time when the topic is raised, you can ask if they would be happy to chat another time – make a plan;
• consider if the location is suitable. This will depend on the person. Some may want a quiet, private space, others may want to be busy while they talk, for example, on a walk or cooking together. 

When the time is right to start the conversation, these tips may be useful: 

• Ask how they are. It’s okay to ask more than once. This can show someone that you are genuinely interested.
• Share your concerns – this can be a good way to open the conversation.
• Ask open questions that start with “how”, “what”, “where” or “when”.
• Reflect on things they may have said or that you have noticed, for example, “I have noticed that you have been distracted lately.’’ Sometimes, when people are distracted, they may have other things going on in their lives which they are struggling with.

• Offer your time to listen and try not to interrupt. Your body language and eye contact can show that you are listening. 
• Summarise and repeat what they are saying. This can help them feel heard.
• Remember silence is okay as it can allow everyone to think about what has been said.
• Try not to judge and do not play down what someone is experiencing. Avoid saying things like ‘it could be worse’, ‘it’s normal to feel like that’. This can make people feel like they shouldn’t share their feelings or ask for help. 
• Reassure them that you are there to listen when they need to talk.
• It can sometimes be helpful to share personal experiences of your mental health, but be mindful that it shouldn’t take over the conversation. 
• If you think someone is thinking about suicide, you should ask them direct questions such as “are you thinking about suicide?” and “do you have a plan to end your life?”. Asking someone about suicide can help them talk about how they feel, which will make them less likely to think about suicide. 

• Ask the person what they need or would find helpful. If they need help finding support, you can use the finding help page. 
• If someone needs urgent help, you can find out more on the I need help page. 
• Remind them that you are available to talk to them any time about how they are feeling. 

• Some people may not be comfortable talking to you about their mental health, but you can encourage them to speak to someone they trust. This can be a health professional or Lifeline. 
• Don't expect too much from one conversation. Understanding mental health problems can take time. It's important to give someone space to process what they have talked about. 
• It might take time for someone's mental health to improve, and some people need professional help, but recovery is possible. 
• Remember it is important to look after yourself when supporting someone. It can be upsetting to hear someone you care about in distress.